How?
by Promptfillerforcastle
Summary: She almost looked like a ghost her creamy brown skin was now as white as anything her eyes looked so sad and tried her cheeks were stained with tears her wrist were covered in white bandages she looked skinner then normal. (Trigger warnings inside) set s4
1. Chapter 1

**_WARNING THE STORY CONTAINS._**

**_Self harm_**

**_Eating disorder _**

**_PSTD_**

**_Anxiety attacks _**

"Kate," Doctor Burke said softly sitting on a chair close to her hospital bed.

"Yes," she weekly answered.

"Your going to be discharged from the hospital soon but you need to go home with someone who can keep a eye out on you, I've spoken to your Captain and she thought maybe Mr Castle could look after you,"

How did it all come to this?

_**It all started weeks ago her PSTD had taken over her whole body she didn't feel like sleeping or eating and even drinking coffee one day so was feeling so dizzy due to lack of sleep and food that she fell over.**_

_**Epso and Ryan walked over to her to help her up and she fainted luckily Espo catched her before she hit her head on the ground. Once she woke up they took her to see a doctor.**_

_**"Miss Beckett your aware that your arm is bleeding," Kate looked down and saw blood linking from her bandage that was on her wrist.**_

_**"Miss Beckett, have you been self harming?" The doctor asked her. Kate shook her head.**_

_**"I need you to give me a yes or no," tears ran down her cheeks.**_

_**" what's wrong with me," Kate asked as she started sobbing.**_

_**"You've stopped taking your medication for PSTD and Anxiety,"**_

_**" I just wanted to be a normal person again before that stupid shooting,"**_

"Kate," Doctor Burke said pulling her out of her flashbacks. "I've called Mr Castle and he said he will keep an eye out on you,"

"Rick," she whimpered.

"His in the waiting room his very worried about you,"

"Can I see him,I want Castle." She sobbed and whimpered.

"Soon we haven't finished talking,"

"I don't want to talk,I just want him please just get me Rick," Kate said getting herself upset.

"Calm down, Kate don't get yourself worked up," Doctor Burke said softly.

"Please I need him," she pleaded.

"Okay but we will talk later," he said getting out of his chair and leaving the room to retrieve Rick from the waiting room.


	2. Chapter 2

She hears the door creak open and footsteps come towards her. Rick sat on the chair next to her bed she was lying on her side her eyes were open but she was dead to the world.

She almost looked like a ghost her creamy brown skin was now as white as anything her eyes looked so sad and tried her cheeks were stained with tears her wrist were covered in white bandages she looked skinner then normal.

This wasn't his Kate this wasn't the badass strong headed detective he knew. This wasn't his partner. This wasn't the joy in his heart.

He tucked a curl behind her ear she would normally question what he was doing but she didn't move or anything. "What happened to you Kate?" He asked.

"I had some many things wrong with me Rick I didn't want to live" She whimpered.

"Nothing's wrong with you Kate,"

"Yes there is I was in the bathroom the other day whipping of my makeup and I saw all the pills I had to take and i felt like a freak and I thought of you and how you could love me and want to be around me and when I don't even want to be around myself,"

"The pills are helping you Kate, why did you stop taking them,"

"I wanted to be normal again I wanted to be me again not this person who has to take pills for panic attacks,"

"Kate it's okay no one is perfect,"

"Your not getting it Castle you don't have to see it when you close your eyes or worthy about feeling safe,"

"Kate I was there I had your blood all over my hands and clothes cause I was holding you close to my body hoping you wouldn't die, I told you I love you before you closed your eyes cause I didn't want you to die without knowing that I loved you,"

"See what I mean Castle I just can't control my self I'm gone mental,"

"So come home with me Kate so I can help you,"

"What about Alexis and Martha, I don't want to scare Alexis or Martha,"

"Martha and Alexis are out of town they don't need to know Kate and you wouldn't scare them they consider you to be part of the family,"

"They do?"

"Yes,"

She thought about it for a little.

"Okay," she said giving him his answer.

"I'll pick you up at lunch on Tuesday,"

Kate only nodded. He noticed that her eyes were getting heavy with sleep he stood up.

"Don't go," she whimpered.

"You need to sleep, I'll be back soon,"

He put a extra blanket on her and kissed her temple.


	3. Chapter 3

**last chapter was a bit depressing so I thought I would make the next chapter not as depressing.**

**I'm updating three chapters cause I'm going to busy.**

Kate was siting on the lounge the tv was on and she was looking at the screen but wasn't listening. Kate looked down when Rick placed a plate of toast and a glass of water he then walked off and started cleaning up with dishes.

Her mouth watered over the toast she found her self reaching out for the plate she placed it in her lap and picked it up normally was a slow eater but not day it's been days since she eaten and the toast was like heaven to her mouth and her stomach.

When she was done the dizziness started to wear off and she felt a bit of energy. Rick came back over and picked up the plate. "Do you want anything else?"

"No thanks,"

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yes I'm less dizzy,"

"The water is really warm if you want to take a shower,"

A warm shower. It sounded good to her but the cuts on wrist still sting.

"My wrist still stings," she told him.

"I have a bath in the main bedroom just hold you arm above the water,"

"Thank you," Kate stood up and walked to the main bathroom.

The door had to be open not wide open just a little open so he could check on her he would hide behind the door and ask if she was okay.

"Everything okay?" He called out from behind the door.

"This is really embarrassing Rick but I need you help with washing my hair,"

Kate could hear him rabbling on about something behind the door.

"Castle I'm not naked I'm wearing swimmers,"

"Really," he said surprised.

"Do you really think I would be naked without the door locked?"

"Well that's how people normally take a bath or shower," he walked into the bathroom and saw her in her binki.

"Castle,"

"Yeah?" He answered still looking at her in her binki.

"Eyes up and stop drooling," She firmly told him.

"Right sorry," He walked over to her and sat behind her and started to wash her hair.

She got out of the bathtub and went up stairs to get changed.


	4. Chapter 4

She having one of those dreams again expect each time she dreams about it the more real it seems. In this dream Castle is shot instead of her in some of them he lives in some he dies.

Kate wakes up in the spare room breathing heavily as though she has been holding her breath in a contest against someone. She gets out of the bed and walks over to Castle who is on a blow up bed after been told he had to keep an eye on her.

The bed goes down a little once she sits on it and hopefully she hasn't woken him up but thankfully she hasn't.

He looks so peaceful in his sleep her finger find his hair and starts combing through it. His light snore stop and he begins to groan.

He rubs his eyes and sits up. "Kate what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry to wake you but I just had to check if your alright I have dreams a lot that you were shot and you died.. They feel so real"

He leans forward and kisses her forehead. "Everything is okay" He whispered in her ear.

"Get some sleep Kate" He lies back down.

"Castle I have a strange request?"

"What would that be, my dead detective?"

It's a good thing he can't see her blushing in the dark.

"Can I cuddle with you I feel safe in your arms?" She bits her lip after asking the question.

He moves over and holds the sheets up for her. Kate gets under and snuggles into his chest his fingers stroking her hair making falling alseep much more quicker.

The next morning Rick wakes up and feels a warm body cuddled up to him, hair tickling his chin and the sweet smell of cherry up his nose.

He opens his eyes to see Kate peacefully alseep on his chest and her arm wrapped around his waist. Rick has dreamed about morning like these ones were she is cuddled up to him.

He never pictured her to be cuddler but he just goes along with it. Kate starts to stir she lifts her head off his chest.

"Where you watching me sleep cause that's creepy Castle?"

"No I just woke up"... "I never pictured you as a cuddler" Rick added.

"I'm not, I normally like having my own space and not having someone nearly ontop of me and snoring in my ear"

"So you like to be on top" He raises a eyebrow. "Not funny"

"Why Castle,Does a woman in control turn you on?" She playfully teases him she's returning to the old Kate.

Castle took a big gulp and his eyes widened. "I..I.. Well" He couldn't get his words out.

"I'm going to take a shower while you try to get your words out" She gets out of the bed and he watches her hips sway.


End file.
